Boundaries pt 1

If someone would have said the word boundaries to me 4 years ago, I wouldn't have a clue what they meant! Growing up I was taught to walk away from a fight and to never engage.

My parents bought the house when I was 6 years old and man was it fun! Our house is on a dead end and every neighbor had chain link fences soo all of us kids could just hop on over to eachothers yard. It was the 90's and as a kid we were outside more than we were inside. It was so fun until it wasn't. I was a nerd and I didn't quite fit in so I became the outcast of the group. When I was 14 years old, the neighborhood girl that all the boys liked, saw me walking down the street. She came up to me, spit in my face and called me an "N*****" lover. I ran off crying and hurt and angry. I wanted to stand up for myself but I knew I would get in trouble. (To be clear, my parents are amazing and by no means is this a dig at them, its just an experience in my life that stuck with me)

I started counseling not long after my 1st diagnosis in January 2022. My whole world was updside down and I was lost. During one of our sessions my counselor noted that while I'm not physically gone, the person I was, was gone! I was/am grieving the loss of who I was and I was put on a new journey to find the new me. I also choose to work on ME, for once in my life I was going to be selfish. I will note, that once I passed the grief of losing my past self, I was much happier. Don't get me wrong, the hard days are still hard but I found a new love for myself that I didn't know existed.

BOUNDARIES!! This was such a hard subject for me. I didn't have boundaries and anyone in my close circle knew that. I am an empath, helping others and seeing others happy, makes me happy. It worked out okay for me but it did leave me with more broken hearts than I can count. Loving others unconditionally without boundaries can really take a toll on my energy.

2022 - I get diagnosed with acute ulcerative colitis and I'm hospitalized for 27 days and ALL energy was depleated. My support group was amazing but it was also hard for them because I had changed and I didn't understand my limitations or what was ahead of me. I was still trying to be an empath for everyone but that was hurting me and this is where boundaries became another self aware situation that I needed to work on.

Setting boundaries was soo hard for me, my illnesses helped as weird as that sounds, but when I felt bad (often) my body just refused to comprimise :). After different plans fail, I finally found the secret that worked for me. Please note that we are all different and our paths will be different but the end goal is the same.

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