Exhaustion​

Exhaustion is a way of life for me, but learning to accept that has not been easy. Prior to getting sick you couldn’t keep me in one place for long. When I first bought my house on my own I was a full time single mom, working 50 or more hours a week and going to school full time. I was also doing house projects and planning future projects to complete after the current project was done. I was working out in the early mornings to start my day and all the while still having a social life. Then came the hospital stay in January 2022, 27 days in the hospital and my life was change forever.

Before being diagnosed I had no clue that autoimmune's existed and I truly didn’t understand the meaning of chronic illness, The worst part about it is that most people can’t see our illness which opens us up to feeling like we need to explain ourselves to everyone. But guess what!? We DON’T!! It hasn’t been long since my diagnosis but learning that I don’t need to explain why I can’t go out that night or why I need naps during the day or why a trip home for the holidays is soo draining was a very hard lesson for me I still deal with it today. Chronic fatigue is a real thing and we shouldn’t feel guilty or hard on ourselves because of it. I know, I know much easier said than to do.

Just this week I was mad at my body for being soo tired. My son and his fiancé came to visit me for Christmas and we had a blast but man was I tired. I had to take naps and I had to stop to rest but even then I couldn’t shake the exhaustion. Yesterday I ended up with an ocular migraine from pushing myself soo hard to “stay face” and to make sure my son didn’t see how exhausted I really was.

For Christmas my partner and I flew to his hometown to visit his family and friends for Christmas and my biggest fear was disappointing my partner or his family because I already knew my chronic fatigue was going to play a key role in this trip and it didn’t disappoint. “What was it?”I asked myself over and over again these last several days. How did I manage to get a full nights sleep and still wake up feeling like I needed to go back to sleep? How embarrassing is it that I can’t make it a full day without needing to “rest my eyes” like an older person LOL!? But what I had to do was except my current state and just enjoy the memories we were making.

Forgiving our bodies for not cooperating the way we wish it would is one of the hardest things I have had to do and I still struggle with it daily.

I hope you all were able to find your way through the holidays while also treating your self with softness and forgiveness. Please reach out I would love to hear your stories :)